Warning: Contains more generalisations than you can shake a stick at; these may or may not amount to racism?)
It's time to tackle the real issues. This is high-brow. This is the kind of insightful writing that you have been waiting for.
Gracias a Wikipedia, I learnt that the United States is a hell of a lot more productive than my humble homeland (New Zealand). They are the fourth most productive country in the world (per capita), and us Kiwis are stuck at number 18, sandwiched in between Spain and Iceland. We all know that Spanish productivity at 2pm is a direct result of a hearty lunch which could feed 20 African children, followed by nap. Iceland is plagued with vikings, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and the highest Coca Cola consumption in the world. What does New Zealand have to answer for? Well...probably ALOT.
More importantly, how the hell did the USA get to number four?
I have a theory.
1. One word. Sneans. If you are American and you haven't worn sneans, feel free to call me out. Yes, the dreaded combination of sneakers and jeans. Some people like to call them jeakers. While I don't find the use of sneans to be aesthetically pleasing, it does have it's benefits.
a) You can easily participate in most activities that may spontaneously call for your ACTION. Such as running away from rapists and jumping just that little bit higher should you need to reach something in an irritably high location.
b) Thanks to the jeans, you have leg protection, comfort, and durability.
c) I guess you can still get laid with sneans, just so long as your partner is into it. Otherwise, GAMEOVER.
3. Americans love backpacks. Fine by me. The more things you can carry, the more things you can get done (this increases exponentially).
4. Nice teeth and infectious smiles. With this epic combination, you will get shit done, simply because you are irresistible. Right?
5. Flannel is better than regular cotton garments because it feels softer to the touch. Cotton is less flammable than other materials (it is easier to get things done when you are not on fire). It is also moisture-wicking and made of natural material. Cotton is farmed in the States, and because Americans demand flannel, they are helping their friends in Arkansas and Georgia (who are hopefully also wearing flannel) to be more productive.
6. Beards. Americans have nice ones.
I have to go now.
Bye
From Liz
It's time to tackle the real issues. This is high-brow. This is the kind of insightful writing that you have been waiting for.
Gracias a Wikipedia, I learnt that the United States is a hell of a lot more productive than my humble homeland (New Zealand). They are the fourth most productive country in the world (per capita), and us Kiwis are stuck at number 18, sandwiched in between Spain and Iceland. We all know that Spanish productivity at 2pm is a direct result of a hearty lunch which could feed 20 African children, followed by nap. Iceland is plagued with vikings, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and the highest Coca Cola consumption in the world. What does New Zealand have to answer for? Well...probably ALOT.
 |
| Productivity happening in Christchurch, New Zealand |
More importantly, how the hell did the USA get to number four?
I have a theory.
1. One word. Sneans. If you are American and you haven't worn sneans, feel free to call me out. Yes, the dreaded combination of sneakers and jeans. Some people like to call them jeakers. While I don't find the use of sneans to be aesthetically pleasing, it does have it's benefits.
a) You can easily participate in most activities that may spontaneously call for your ACTION. Such as running away from rapists and jumping just that little bit higher should you need to reach something in an irritably high location.
b) Thanks to the jeans, you have leg protection, comfort, and durability.
c) I guess you can still get laid with sneans, just so long as your partner is into it. Otherwise, GAMEOVER.
 |
| If this guy didn't have sneans, he would be cold and unproductive; he may have even slipped over. Thank God for tread. |
3. Americans love backpacks. Fine by me. The more things you can carry, the more things you can get done (this increases exponentially).
 |
| Just think of all the amazing things this little guy is gonna do today. |
4. Nice teeth and infectious smiles. With this epic combination, you will get shit done, simply because you are irresistible. Right?
5. Flannel is better than regular cotton garments because it feels softer to the touch. Cotton is less flammable than other materials (it is easier to get things done when you are not on fire). It is also moisture-wicking and made of natural material. Cotton is farmed in the States, and because Americans demand flannel, they are helping their friends in Arkansas and Georgia (who are hopefully also wearing flannel) to be more productive.
6. Beards. Americans have nice ones.
I have to go now.
Bye
From Liz
I like this... ALOT!
ReplyDeleteDamn. I removed that thingy cos I spelled shit wrong. Not cos I'm a psycho. (Debateable).
ReplyDeleteSee! I didn't remove that. Though it will now give me a nervous tic for eighteen days! The things I do.
Women!
DIG! I should be studying. We'll see at 2:31 tomorrow whether I'm screwed or not.
ReplyDeletethat penguin is supercute...could it be my pa?
ReplyDelete